A BOWL OF PORRIDGE

9.27.2015

9.15.2015

4 L E T T E R S

"The full and essential nature of love we may not understand, but there are tests by which it may be recognized. Love is always founded in truth. Lies and deceit, or any other violation of this moral law, are proofs of love's absence... Further, love does not hurt or injure the loved one...Cruelty is the absent of love... as truth is from untruth. Love is a POSITIVE active force. It helps the loved one... If there is need, love tries to supply it. If there is weakness, love supplants it with strength... Love that does not help is a faked love. Good as these tests are, there is a greater one. True love sacrifices for the loved one... that is the final test."

-John A Widstoe

Since I was a young girl, I have always been fascinated with the idea of love, and how it grows and matures over time and experience. I would watch husbands and wives interact with each other during church on Sundays and try to understand their drive and purpose for being with each other. In my home, I didn't have the opportunity to grow up with a father, and what I remember of him isn't the best things, so i guess without even realizing it, I started to develop fears and anxiety when it came to marriage. I didn't want to marry the wrong person or open myself up to someone that could hurt me. As I got older, anytime I imagined my family, I saw myself with beautiful children, but no companion. Watching my beautiful mother raise us inspired me to be the most hardworking dedicated mother to my children, but i realized that I had no idea how to be a wife. For those of you who don't know, I served an LDS mission in Alabama, and one of the main things we did as missionaries is teach people about families and how they can be eternal. At the beginning of my mission, I had a really hard time teaching this because secretly, I didn't believe it was something that I could have. I would plead with Heavenly Father to help me see my eternal family, and over time and truly serving others, I realized that I wanted my family to be based on true love, and that started with me. I read this quote the other day and it said, "A child went forth and became what he saw." Everything that I am, I give tribute to my mother's example. She gives her all in everything that she does. She's humble, kind, patient, and understands the meaning of sacrifice. She developed herself in such a way to raise an eternal family through example. I realized that I needed to develop qualities to have lasting eternal relationships, and that stems from true love. Love for my current family, Love for my dear friends, Love for my schooling and job and talents and everything else that has been provided for me to love with all of my heart. I know now that as I do those things, I will be prepared to love my sweet husband and future children with all of my heart. In my opinion, I believe that love is:

-Kind

-Forgiveness

-Patience

-Absence of Judgement

-Honestly

-Trust

-Faith

-Giving and Receiving

-Sacrifice

Just to name a few. The Savior has already set that foundation of love for us when He died for us. Every single one of us, regardless of who we are, where we grew up, or race or self expression has the access to His pure and honest love. In return, we can show that same love to those around us. I know that as I continue to love, give and sacrifice for those i care about, I will find someone whose is doing those same things. Someone told me the other day "whatever it is that makes you love the way you do, keep it. Never lose it." That really meant a lot to me because sometimes I allow people to determine my happiness or how much love I give out. But as I give out true love, regardless if it's received by others or not (which kind of hurts sometimes), I feel pure joy. Sometimes the love we give is rejected and it sucks, but focus on those that are not only receiving your love, but giving you love as well. You will be happy. Good people, continue to develop yourself and your talents and the right people will enter your life that will uplift you and truly LOVE you! Have faith in happiness and you will naturally be happy.

7.03.2015

FEAR

Fear: an unpleasant emotion caused by the brief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain or a threat.

I believe that we all come to Earth as a blank canvas and we learn and adapt different things based on experience and the people around us. Fear is one of those things that we learn over time. Each person has a fear, whether it's physical, mental, or spiritual. We are encouraged to have faith when we come toe to toe with our fears. Most of us have had the joy of conquering certain fears, but what if you don't? What if your fear takes over and you "miss your chance" to overcome your fear? What happens then?

I had an incredible experience of coming face to face with my fear while helping out at Girl's Camp a few days ago. For those of you that don't know, I have a horrible fear of heights. I never liked the idea of not being in control of what my body is doing and the feeling of falling freaked me out, so cliff jumping and roller coasters were always out of the question (except climbing, i love that). Anyways, I was helping out the younger girls with the ropes course when we got to the zip line activity. My body became more stiff as I saw how high up we were and the only thing protecting me was a line hanging from a tree. I got quieter because I didn't want to draw attention to the fact that I was scared, but my fear was quickly exposed and before i knew it, friends were encouraging me to go. This one sweet girl was just as scared as I was and I realized this could be a possibility to help her. I told her I would go if she did, so she went. She was waiting for me to go, but I couldn't do it. My friend's dad encouraged me to have faith and believe, but i was so focused on the fact that nobody was physically next to me so I didn't feel safe. It was interesting to see the character of those around me as well. Those that were patient and understanding of my fear. Long story short, I didn't end up doing it and instead of feeling a wave of disappointment, I felt a wave of love and experience. It had been a while since I have felt fear and a really long time since i've felt a lack of faith. On the ride back to the main campsite, Two of the girls volunteering as leaders expressed that they felt more comfortable telling me about their fears because they saw mine first hand. It was amazing to immediately activate my spiritual gifts to help them through different things. When I saw that young camper, she eagerly asked me if I did the zip line. I had to look her in the eye and tell her i didn't do it. It was such a humbling experience. There was immediate love and acceptance, instead of disappointment. Later that night I ended up using my gift of dance to bring the spirit to the girls. Life continued on and instead of dwelling on my failure, God helped me see my strengths.

Good people, Fear is so different for each person. Don't ever feel embarrassed when you don't conquer your fear immediately. There are always opportunities to share your light and goodness and with time and practice, we will get over those life blocks. Faith is something that is nurtured and it grows from experience. I want to invite each of you to identify different fears within yourself and make plans to face them and if you don't get over it right away, that's ok. It's good to know where your limit is and stretch it every day using God's help. I love each of you to the moon and back. Remember that God didn't create the world in a day so don't feel like you have to either.

*PS: I went on the 3 oldest wooden roller coaster in the US a week ago :)*

6.30.2015

WEALTH

"The greatest wealth is health." - Roman Poet

As I have gotten older, I have discovered that the physical and spiritual state of a human is intertwine immensely. In high school, I would eat whatever I wanted because I was so active, I never gained any weight. But now looking back on it, I was always upset and angry for no apparent reason. I was spiritually disconnected and I always felt like I never had enough energy. When I got into college, I started making changes in my diet. I stopped eating fast food and started to chow down on my fruits and veggies. I have always worked out, so nothing really changed there, but I started to notice physical and spiritual changes within myself. I was able to concentrate more in school. I laughed a lot more and found joy in the smallest things. I could really see God's direction in my life a lot clearer. I felt more well rested, therefore I could get more things done during the day without crashing every 45 minutes. And obviously the physical benefits were awesome as well, but I realized how blessed we are to have a body. Our body is the house for our spirits. It literally is a gift from God and when we take care of it, He blesses us in so many ways. There are times where I nit pick at my body. There are times (more times than I like to admit) when I just hated my body, but I realize in those moments that those thoughts aren't coming from our Father in Heaven. Satan is the biggest hater in the world. He doesn't want us to see our bodies as a gift and a joy and he will try anything to make us think otherwise. Good people, remember that God's love is always around you. He made you the way you are for a reason. What a gift!!! Take care of our bodies and it will take care of you! Love you to the moon and back!

5.28.2015

SMILE

Did you know that it is scientifically proven that smiling can boost your immune system, reduce your stress level, and releases endorphins to help you manage anxiety? Not to mention that you become 10 times more attactive and approachable. Smiling is also contagious. When somebody smiles at me, it is practically second nature for me to smile back. I believe that when we smile, we carry a love and light with us. It takes almost no effort at all to pass on it's goodness and in return, we receive the same love and kindness.
I was at Harvard Square the other day and I saw a homeless man sitting outside of my favorite burger spot (shake shack). I had nothing to give him but a smile, and in return he told me that it had been a long time since he had seen someone smile at him. That one statement made me realize how important smiling was. We have the ability to change how someone sees their day. Now I know that we as human's don't walk around everyday with a permanent smile on our face and run around picking flowers and kissing strangers. We all have bad days, but please remember that it doesn't mean you have a bad life! Find things that make you happy. For me that is hearing a really good joke or jamming obnoxiously to my favorite song. Surround yourself with people that make you happy. If that isn't possible for some reason, remember that God's love is always around us. We can fins Him in impossible circumstances. Good people, a smile can save a life. Never forget that. I love you to the moon and back!

5.22.2015

STICKS

"Sticks and stones may break her bones, but words and names can make her want to kill herself"

-unknown

so if any of you have ever met me or have been around me, you know that I love everything that life has to offer. I love laughing and making it my duty to make people feel loved. I'm silly and crazy at times and I embrace everything that I am, good and bad. People would always complement me on my self confidence and worth, but little did they know that it took me years to see my value. Now this is a little bit more of a sensitive subject for me, but I have felt impressed to share my personal encounters with bullying with you. One of the reasons I have held back on this post is because I knew I would be exposing some of my personal pains with people that have never seen me at those stages of my life. but I realize it isn't about me and I hope that what I have learned from my experiences could maybe help someone else.

I was bullied almost everyday from age seven to about fourteen. I remember as a kid coming home from school, giving my mom a quick hug and empty smile, and escaping to the bathroom to silently bawl my eyes out. kids would call me a "night crawler" and soon the name stuck and i became the butt of every "dark girl" joke. Groups of kids at recess would surround me and take their pick at what body part they were going to make fun of or my how stupid my comments were in class. I would play off my hurt and embarrassment by smiling and agreeing with them and in no time I had made myself a victim to their words. Now looking back on it, I would have much rather had my bullies hit me and get it over with, rather than make fun of my skin color, the size of my lips, or my thick and untamed hair. Sticks may break bones but mean words and comments have the potential to break the soul. As I got older, I made it my purpose to feel accepted. I tried every trend and wore some crazy things to fit in. I quickly gained self love in the opinions of other people or how many likes I got on facebook that day. I had lost who I was in pursuits of temporary happiness and when it ended, was left with a person I didn't love or care about,...myself.

One day I found myself looking into the mirror and i had no idea who was staring back at me. After opening up to dear friends and family about what I was dealing with, they helped me realize this was an opportunity to rediscover myself, without the crutch of social praise. I would start off by writing down five things everyday that made me special and unique (and it couldn't be visible). It was really hard at first, but a sense of light and peace started to enter my mind and heart as I started to see myself as my loved ones and God saw me. I would say kind things to myself in my bathroom mirror everyday for months, even if i didn't believe it some days (it is now part of my daily routine). I learned the art of forgiveness. I forgave myself for ever treating myself with disrespect and I forgave my bullies for how they treated me. I actually came to thank them because I realized without them, I wouldn't have learned how to understand the power of words.

Good people, words are extremely powerful. Please be aware of how you use your words. They have the power to inspire or destroy. To those that have been bullied in the past, I want to let you know you have people that actually love and care about you. Surround yourself with people that will make you feel like your best self. Be kind and patient with yourself as you are with others. To those of you that are the bullies, please don't take your pain out on others. Please know there is love out there for you as well. Reach out and take it. Forgive your situation and grow from it. Good people, make it your goal to be so full of love, that that's all you can let out and all you're allowing yourself to take in. You have no room for anything less. Each of us are designed for greatness. Let's help those around us see their power as well. If this has helped you in some way, please comment or share this post! I love each of you to the moon and back!

5.21.2015

22

I don't know about you, but I'm feeling 22!!! Let's be real... I've been waiting like 2 years to say that and actually have it be legitimate!!! Now that I've gotten that out of my system, i want to express how happy i am to be alive at this time. there there are so many things I have to be grateful for! Though my life was nothing like a fairy tale, I know that this was the life that was inspired for me I know my different challenges trials and opportunities were placed in my path so that way I can grow and learn and experience things that would have shaped me into the best person I can be! These 22 years have been incredible! to be honest I never really imagine myself this happy and this at peace! within this last year especially, I feel like I became more aware of my purpose here. looking back on my life I wouldn't have changed a thing. I know that I wouldn't be where I am today without the blessing of a strong mother, an absent father, friends that have inspired my soul, and my discovery of God. I see so many good things in my future. Is it weird to say that I actually feel my age. I can't wait for the adventures in store!

3.16.2015

17 Months

The mission is blessing my life in more ways than one. I'm seeing the importance in knowing exactly who you are and knowing where you stand in God's eyes. My dear people, remember the importance in having faith in yourself as well as faith in Christ. Miracles cease when faith has ceased.

Life is happening and I'm feeling really good.