STICKS

"Sticks and stones may break her bones, but words and names can make her want to kill herself"

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so if any of you have ever met me or have been around me, you know that I love everything that life has to offer. I love laughing and making it my duty to make people feel loved. I'm silly and crazy at times and I  embrace everything that I am, good and bad. People would always complement me on my self confidence and worth, but little did they know that it took me years to see my value. Now this is a little bit more of a sensitive subject for me, but I have felt impressed to share my personal encounters with bullying with you. One of the reasons I have held back on this post is because I knew I would be exposing some of my personal pains with people that have never seen me at those stages of my life. but I realize it isn't about me and I hope that what I have learned from my experiences could maybe help someone else.

I was bullied almost everyday from age seven to about fourteen. I remember as a kid coming home from school, giving my mom a quick hug and empty smile, and escaping to the bathroom to silently bawl my eyes out. kids would call me a "night crawler" and soon the name stuck and i became the butt of every "dark girl" joke. Groups of kids at recess would surround me and take their pick at what body part they were going to make fun of or my how stupid my comments were in class. I  would play off my hurt and embarrassment by smiling and agreeing with them and in no time I had made myself a victim to their words. Now looking back on it, I would have much rather had my bullies hit me and get it over with, rather than make fun of my skin color, the size of my lips, or my thick and untamed hair. Sticks may break bones but mean words and comments have the potential to break the soul.   As I got older, I made it my purpose to feel accepted. I tried every trend and wore some crazy things to fit in. I quickly gained self love in the opinions of other people or how many likes I got on facebook that day. I had lost who I was in pursuits of temporary happiness and when it ended, was left with a person I didn't love or care about,...myself.

One day I found myself looking into the mirror and i had no idea who was staring back at me. After opening up to dear friends and family about what I was dealing with, they helped me realize this was an opportunity to rediscover myself, without the crutch of social praise. I would start off by writing down five things everyday that made me special and unique (and it couldn't be visible). It was really hard at first, but a sense of light and peace started to enter my mind and heart as I started to see myself as my loved ones and God saw me. I  would say kind things to myself in my bathroom mirror everyday for months, even if i didn't believe it some days (it is now part of my daily routine). I learned the art of forgiveness. I forgave myself for ever treating myself with disrespect  and I forgave my bullies for how they treated me. I actually came to thank them because I  realized without them, I wouldn't have learned how to understand the power of words.

Good people, words are extremely powerful. Please be aware of how you use your words. They have the power to inspire or destroy. To those that have been bullied in the past, I want to let you know you have people that actually love and care about you. Surround yourself with people that will make you feel like your best self. Be kind and patient with yourself as you are with others. To those of you that are the bullies, please don't take your pain out on others. Please know there is love out there for you as well. Reach out and take it. Forgive your situation and grow from it. Good people, make it your goal to be so full of love, that that's all you can let out and all you're allowing yourself to take in. You have no room for anything less. Each of us are designed for greatness. Let's help those around us see their power as well. If this has helped you in some way, please comment or share this post! I love each of you to the moon and back!