4 L E T T E R S

"The full and essential nature of love we may not understand, but there are tests by which it may be recognized. Love is always founded in truth. Lies and deceit, or any other violation of this moral law, are proofs of love's absence... Further, love does not hurt or injure the loved one...Cruelty is the absent of love... as truth is from untruth. Love is a POSITIVE active force. It helps the loved one... If there is need, love tries to supply it. If there is weakness, love supplants it with strength... Love that does not help is a faked love. Good as these tests are, there is a greater one. True love sacrifices for the loved one... that is the final test."

-John A Widstoe

Since I was a young girl, I have always been fascinated with the idea of love, and how it grows and matures over time and experience. I would watch husbands and wives interact with each other during church on Sundays and try to understand their drive and purpose for being with each other. In my home, I didn't have the opportunity to grow up with a father, and what I remember of him isn't the best things, so i guess without even realizing it, I started to develop fears and anxiety when it came to marriage. I didn't want to marry the wrong person or open myself up to someone that could hurt me. As I got older, anytime I imagined my family, I saw myself with beautiful children, but no companion. Watching my beautiful mother raise us inspired me to be the most hardworking dedicated mother to my children, but i realized that I had no idea how to be a wife. For those of you who don't know, I served an LDS mission in Alabama, and one of the main things we did as missionaries is teach people about families and how they can be eternal. At the beginning of my mission, I had a really hard time teaching this because secretly, I didn't believe it was something that I could have. I would plead with Heavenly Father to help me see my eternal family, and over time and truly serving others, I realized that I wanted my family to be based on true love, and that started with me. I read this quote the other day and it said, "A child went forth and became what he saw." Everything that I am, I give tribute to my mother's example. She gives her all in everything that she does. She's humble, kind, patient, and understands the meaning of sacrifice. She developed herself in such a way to raise an eternal family through example. I realized that I needed to develop qualities to have lasting eternal relationships, and that stems from true love. Love for my current family, Love for my dear friends, Love for my schooling and job and talents and everything else that has been provided for me to love with all of my heart. I know now that as I do those things, I will be prepared to love my sweet husband and future children with all of my heart. In my opinion, I believe that love is:

-Kind

-Forgiveness

-Patience

-Absence of Judgement

-Honestly

-Trust

-Faith

-Giving and Receiving

-Sacrifice

Just to name a few. The Savior has already set that foundation of love for us when He died for us. Every single one of us, regardless of who we are, where we grew up, or race or self expression has the access to His pure and honest love. In return, we can show that same love to those around us. I know that as I continue to love, give and sacrifice for those i care about, I will find someone whose is doing those same things. Someone told me the other day "whatever it is that makes you love the way you do, keep it. Never lose it." That really meant a lot to me because sometimes I allow people to determine my happiness or how much love I give out. But as I give out true love, regardless if it's received by others or not (which kind of hurts sometimes), I feel pure joy. Sometimes the love we give is rejected and it sucks, but focus on those that are not only receiving your love, but giving you love as well. You will be happy. Good people, continue to develop yourself and your talents and the right people will enter your life that will uplift you and truly LOVE you! Have faith in happiness and you will naturally be happy.

FEAR

Fear: an unpleasant emotion caused by the brief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain or a threat.

I believe that we all come to Earth as a blank canvas and we learn and adapt different things based on experience and the people around us. Fear is one of those things that we learn over time. Each person has a fear, whether it's physical, mental, or spiritual. We are encouraged to have faith when we come toe to toe with our fears. Most of us have had the joy of conquering certain fears, but what if you don't? What if your fear takes over and you "miss your chance" to overcome your fear? What happens then? 

I had an incredible experience of coming face to face with my fear while helping out at Girl's Camp a few days ago. For those of you that don't know, I have a horrible fear of heights. I never liked the idea of not being in control of what my body is doing and the feeling of falling freaked me out,  so cliff jumping and roller coasters were always out of the question (except climbing, i love that). Anyways, I was helping out the younger girls with the ropes course when we got to the zip line activity. My body became more stiff as I saw how high up we were and the only thing protecting me was a line hanging from a tree. I got quieter because I didn't want to draw attention to the fact that I was scared, but my fear was quickly exposed and before i knew it, friends were encouraging me to go. This one sweet girl was just as scared as I was and I realized this could be a possibility to help her. I told her I would go if she did, so she went. She was waiting for me to go, but I couldn't do it. My friend's dad encouraged me to have faith and believe, but i was so focused on the fact that nobody was physically next to me so I didn't feel safe. It was interesting to see the character of those around me as well. Those that were patient and understanding of my fear. Long story short, I didn't end up doing it and instead of feeling a wave of disappointment, I felt a wave of love and experience. It had been a while since I have felt fear and a really long time since i've felt a lack of faith. On the ride back to the main campsite, Two of the girls volunteering as leaders expressed that they felt more comfortable telling me about their fears because they saw mine first hand. It was amazing to immediately activate my spiritual gifts to help them through different things. When I saw that young camper, she eagerly asked me if I did the zip line. I had to look her in the eye and tell her i didn't do it. It was such a humbling experience. There was immediate love and acceptance, instead of disappointment. Later that night I ended up using my gift of dance to bring the spirit to the girls. Life continued on and instead of dwelling on my failure, God helped me see my strengths. 

Good people, Fear is so different for each person. Don't ever feel embarrassed when you don't conquer your fear immediately. There are always opportunities to share your light and goodness and with time and practice, we will get over those life blocks. Faith is something that is nurtured and it grows from experience. I want to invite each of you to identify different fears within yourself and make plans to face them and if you don't get over it right away, that's ok. It's good to know where your limit is and stretch it every day using God's help. I love each of you to the moon and back. Remember that God didn't create the world in a day so don't feel like you have to either.

*PS: I went on the 3 oldest wooden roller coaster in the US  a week ago :)*